Kracking Bones
by Siddhant Sharma
Summary: Courage, Eustace and Muriel have left for Nowhere's greatest holiday destination, incidently called Nothere to attend the most famous cultural fest in the whole world- Kracking Bones. But, unknown to them, some people's intentions are not for the best benefit of others. And if they succeed in their motive, the world will never be the same. Will Courage be able to salvage Nowhere?
1. Snakz

The moon shone brightly on what was a clear yet starless night. Somewhere in the mountains of Nowhere lay a black mat on which it was written in shining silver colour- Welcome. The mat was placed just outside the cave; a sweet reminder for anybody who would like to enter the cave that it was, in the most appropriate words that can be used, welcome. However, anybody who could see the green smoke that was coming out of it would not like to enter. From inside, the cave wasn't pretty either. There would have been no light at all had the huge pot in the middle of the cave not been kept on fire. An old hag stood on a huge platform which surrounded the pot so that she could pour things into the pot.

Things. Weird things. Not that they were not commonly seen. Only that they weren't really meant to be put into a pot full of boiling water. For example, cut fingers of human beings weren't the coolest thing to put in the pot. Infact, they had made a loud gurgling noise when they were poured into the pot which was already red because of the enormous amount of blood that had been poured into it a few minutes ago. Other things that had been poured into the pot were hair of the dwarfs, poison of a thousand poisonous herbs, eyes of an owl, the ash of the chameleon and the piss of the wise guy who knocked at every door that had written in some way around it- Welcome. The hag had made him piss in the bowl before her daughter killed him and served him for dinner.

The contents of the bowl were stirred well by a long piece of wood which moved itself in one counterclockwise circle after every seven clockwise circle. The hag was continuously uttering incantations. Finally, the solution was becoming green. Now, only one more thing had to be done. The old lady stopped speaking. She raised her hands and said loudly,

" O worthy snakes of hell, you have been valiant and brave. It is your selfless nature that compels you to make this sacrifice for the good of not only your own race but the entire world. I now request you to give my creation your powers so that he can materialise."

The top of the cave opened as snakes of all sizes dropped in the bowl, each of them hitting the boiling green solution ,letting out a loud hiss and dissolving. The hisses of the snakes echoed through the cave so that they could be heard far and wide in the mountains. It took nearly ten minutes for all the snakes, large, small and neonates to fall, hiss and dissolve. By the time the hissing died, the solution was bubbling and gurgling more than ever before. Slowly, the sound grew louder and louder until a huge bubble burst in the middle of the pot, that nearly made the hag jump. The noise suddenly subsided and the whole surface began stabilising. A few minutes later, there was pin drop silence. In the middle of the huge bowl, standing on what seemed to be an invisible sheet was a boy.

The witch grinned. She had finally succeeded in creating a boy.

"You, sweetheart, are my best creation thus far", said the witch with a false sweetness in her voice. " You are the one who has the powers, the brains and the astuteness to give this world its most glorious days. I hereby christen you Snakz."

The kid looked blankly at the lady standing on the edge of the bowl. Just then, the sound of footsteps came from the entrance of the cave. Out of the darkness came a girl in her early twenties. She had short black curly hair. She was fair and wore a long green gown that displayed her right leg. She seemed to be an odd mixture of glamour, serenity and sweetness.

" You just missed the moment Cinnatra, however you are just in time to meet your brother.", said the old lady." Presenting -Snakz"

Cinnatra smiled at the kid. The kid however, looked just as blank as ever. Both of them looked at each other, yet no one made a move. Finally, the witch said, " My greatest creation ever" moving her hand lovingly over Snakz' hair. A tiny frown might have appeared on Cinnatra's forehead for a while but nobody saw it.

At this gesture of the witch, Cinnatra walked up to Snakz, bent over him and said," Hello, I am Cinnatra."

"Hello, I am Snakz", the boy replied in a cold and impassive voice.

Both of them still looked at each other in the eye. A moment later, Cinnatra opened her mouth and licked Snakz' whole face with her exceptionally long forked tongue. The kid's expression was still blank. But he must have liked the gesture because he licked Cinnatra's whole face with his forked tongue in return. It caused itching on her face though she continued to smile as if she enjoyed it. It was only when she applied an antidote on her face, later in the evening, when she was alone in her part of the cave, that the itching stopped.

"We interrupt this program to bring you", announced the TV cheerfully," Courage, the Cowardly Dog Show, starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog. Abandoned as a puppy, he was found by Muriel, who lives in the middle of Nowhere with her husband Eustace Baaeeege. But creeeaapy stuff happens in Nowhere. It's up to Courage to save his new home."

A switch was pressed and the TV screen went black with a pop.

"Stupid dog", shouted Eustace," You make me look bad."

A scary mask was out in a moment, placed upon Eustace's face as Eustace raised his hand and started making strange noises. Courage jumped out of Muriel's lap and screamed at the top of his voice.

A flying rolling pin hit Eustace on his head.

" What did I do?"

Muriel didn't have to say anything. Her eyes were fierce enough to shut Eustace up. However, he left the room muttering to himself and words like "rolling pin" and "dog" were heard somewhere. Courage was still shivering. Muriel moved her hand lovingly over Courage's back.

" O Courage, come on." She picked him up and kept him in her lap. Soon, Courage relaxed. He was with Muriel. Another switch was pressed and the TV came to life again with Muriel's favourite show.

Courage didn't like the Television. It always made fun of it. Just like now, it would suddenly, in the middle of any other program that would be going on, start its own commentary on what Courage's life had been and talking about it as if it were a TV show. Nor did he like the video which played along with it, showing all the things that Courage feared. However, the Television liked it. He would do the same thing every day to see the same comedy being acted out every day.

It was a quiet night. The moon shone brightly on what was a clear yet starless night. The show lingered as usual to late in the night. Muriel was watching the show intently. Courage only pretended to do so. He always felt sleepy during this late hour show which Muriel watched. He moved in her lap so that he now faced the opposite wall. He looked out of the window. There was a gentle air current outside. Within the blink of an eye, sticking his flat nose to the window( and smiling!) stood the most deprived man Courage had ever seen.

He immediately screamed as his eyes popped out of their holes, hit the wall and bounced back right into his mouth. Somehow, they found their way back into their respective holes.

" What happened, Courage?"

But the dog couldn't say anything. He just jumped at his place pointing at the window and stuttered and whined and whimpered and at last the only way left for Courage to tell Muriel what he had seen was to convert himself into a miniature pink version of the starved man he saw at the window, which he did.

Muriel finally got the message or some part of it. They opened the door looked all around. There was the truck, there was the warehouse as well, but a starving and smiling man, no.

"There's nothing here , Courage. You must be feeling sleepy now. That's why you are seeing such things." Muriel went back into the cottage. Courage, however, stood there.

There was the truck, there was the warehouse, there was the road and vast endless barren lands of Nowhere. As far as anybody could look and in whichever direction anybody could look, there was no sign of a deprived man with a grin stuck to his face.

"I am telling you there's someone here or my name's Boogliboobus Bimberton, and it's not."


	2. An Unexpected Visitor

Courage couldn't sleep that night. He was wide awake and would sit up in fear and anticipation whenever a door creaked or a bird cooed. The air moved noisily outside. He shivered partly because it had become a little cold, and partly because he was imagining that the desperate guy would be lurking somewhere in the shadows or maybe he was shadow himself! That had once happened before. A shadow had wrecked havoc in his home and he had almost thought it had kidnapped Muriel and Eustace, but after a friendly chat with the thing he had sent it to become the shadow of a star. So it was definitely not the shadow, or was it?

Courage shook his head vigorously because it was cold and there was someone out there. Precisely a man, with a hungry look on his face, head half bald and yellow hair flowing from the back of his head. He had no eyelashes, eyebrows, beard or moustache. And the grin that he gave freaked the hell out of Courage and as he thought about that thing, his hair stood up on the back of his body and he jumped out of the bed in which he slept at the feet of Muriel and Eustace onto the floor. Something told him it wasn't human. He needed a companion to tell him that there was nothing out there. Or no, no, no, no. It should tell him that there is something out there and how to get rid of him. Or no, it should tell that there is nobody out there or...

Courage was confused, scared and terribly needed company. He tried waking up Eustace but he had always been a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for Courage. He tried doing the same to Muriel. Surprisingly, she didn't wake up either.

" Now, I have only one thing to go to", whispered Courage," and I won't like it. "

He tiptoed out of bed again. The door was opened with great delicacy so as to make no noise. Then, he closed it behind him. Within two minutes , he was in the attic sitting in front of the Computer.

Courage trembled as he wrote faster than he could and spoke as he typed,

" I am not able to sleep. What should I do?"

" You twit", said the Computer sarcastically, in its electronically calm voice as it displayed the same thing on the Computer screen," Don't sleep."

" But I want to."

" Oh my... So, that is the problem.", continued the Computer in its sarcastic tone.

Courage stared at it as if saying what-the-hell with his eyes.

The Computer said "searching" and displayed it on the screen as well. It kept doing that for quite some time, before it spoke( and displayed),

" 1 item found-

Insomnia."

" How do I get rid of it?"

"How to get rid of Insomnia?

1\. Ask yourself what is the reason that you are not able to sleep. Eliminate the reason.

2\. Listen Bedtime lullabies."

Courage thought to himself, what was the reason he wasn't able to sleep.

Somewhere in Nowhere a soft, slippery voice originated in an almost singsong manner,

" _I say my name is Fred, all I am I am in my head;_

 _I say my name is Fred, and I've been very naaaaaauuuugthy._ "

A black shroud drifted towards the farm.

Courage typed even faster." Starved, creepy looking guy sticks his nose at the window, smiles. What should I do?"

Computer again displayed "searching".

The shroud began to fall slowly towards the ground. Just before it hit the ground, a man materialised out of it and the shroud became his tattered rags. The man seemed to have been so starved that he should have been dead. There were no eyebrows, no eyelashes, no moustache or beard. He was bald on the front side and had yellow hair on the back. He was smiling.

" Answer found: Smile back at him."

Courage again gave him a what-the-hell look. Finally dejected, Courage asked Computer to give him the lullabies.

 _Here's the home of my Aunt Muriel, her husband Eustace of temperament mercurial,_

 _Who know little of my burial, and how I was naaaaaauuuughty._

The lullabies were a little weird. One of them read-" If you ever turn into a ghost, you 'll be someone no one'll ever host, but we will stay, yes, we will stay."

 _And, oh, how I forget the tender Courage, the pink little dog whom the Bagges nourish,_

 _And once his hair did so flourish, that I became naaaaaauuuughty._

The lullaby was continued, "And if you become a big ball of fur, no one'll care how good you were, but we will stay, yes, we will stay."

 _Ah, hair, how I tell you how I felt about hair, their sight on someone's head would make me stare,_

 _Cutting them was my flair, and so I was naaaaaauuuughty._

" And if you ever turn into a dragon, no one will let you into their wagon, but we will stay, yes, we will stay."

 _But now I have come to tell my last wish, like wish it spells,_

 _w-i-s-h is what it spells, and that's how I spell naaaaaauuuughty._

"And if you turn into a demon, you will remain nobody's son, but we will stay, yes we will stay."

Courage had almost dozed off when there was a knock on the front door. But, it didn't wake him up. Everybody kept sleeping.

Fred knocked again. Still no answer. There was no other choice left. He disappeared within his rags as the rags began to lift themselves up. As he reached the window of the bedroom on first floor, he slipped in through the small space left by the very slightly open window. Fred materialised again and sat on a nearby chair. He saw his Aunt Muriel, then he saw Uncle Eustace and then he kept looking at Courage. He had the most hair of the three. Fred smiled. 


	3. Fred's last wish

Next morning, the first one to wake up was Courage. To his horror, he saw the same deprived man he had nearly seen yesterday sitting near the end of his bed, staring at him and smiling. He jumped as he screamed. Hair all over his body stood up in shock and horror, and then just like a slow moving ball which has been conspiring to hit you for ages hits you with astounding force, it dawned upon him that it wasn't enough to shout. So, he ran towards the door but before he could open it, he had already crossed it leaving in the door a hole exactly the shape of him when he was running. He ran down the stairs and stopped only in the hall when he thought he had escaped the danger.

Upstairs, Eustace and Muriel had both woken up by the screams and the loud crack that was heard when Courage had run through the door.

"What did you do, you stupid dog?", spat Eustace, looking at the disfigured door.

But Muriel was looking elsewhere. Soon enough, Eustace saw what was keeping her attention. Fred's expression hadn't changed one bit. He was still smiling and staring.

" Hey, who are you? and what are you doing in my house?", demanded Eustace.

Fred kept smiling.

" Eustace, be polite. We have a guest in our house."

"No, he ain't no guest.", said Eustace," He has got into my house without my permission in the dark of the night and I demand an explanation."

Fred blinked. That was all there was to his explanation.

" Well, if you don't explain yourself, you'll be in big trouble.", said Eustace and then laughed.

Fred blinked again. Eustace came out of the bed and took out the mallet he generally kept beneath his bed. He held it high in the air as if about to hit and laughed, what he thought sounded diabolical. Finally, Fred spoke.

" I wouldn't bother myself with that if I were you, Eustace."

Taking this to be a threat, Eustace swung the mallet horizontally across Fred's head which got detached from the rest of the body as if one piece of a wooden model had fell apart. It fell on the floor with a thud and rolled over a couple of times before it hit the wall. For a second there was pin drop silence as both Eustace and Muriel saw the frozen smile on Fred's face. Suddenly, Eustace expression changed from that of mild joy and happiness to sheer astonishment. He could have sworn that he had seen Fred's eyes move. A voice came from the fallen head as his lips moved.

" Ah, Eustace, you have also become naaaaaauuuughty."

Eustace went into a fit of running and jumping and shouting and screaming which only ended when he also reached the hall downstairs, where Courage was still panting leaving behind a hole that showed him running in the door which already showed Courage running through it. Both of them panted together.

After a couple of minutes, both of them retired to chairs.

" Muriel is still up there.", said Eustace.

"Oooh, noooo.", yelped Courage." We have to save her."

"You go, she loves you more."

" But-But-", but by the time he could end stuttering, Eustace had already pushed him up a couple of stairs. Courage slowly walked up the rest of them. He reached the door. No noise was coming from inside. Had he stunned Muriel and beaten her up with a frying pan? Or had he made her smell his sock making her unconscious? Or had he picked her up and wiped the room's floor with her?

"Oh, no. Oh, no.", mumbled Courage to himself. He still didn't want to go in but he had to. Muriel was still inside.

" The things I do for love.", said Courage and opened the door. He looked at Muriel, he looked at Fred, he screamed and left. Courage's heart was ready to pop out of his chest as he lay breathing heavily outside. Muriel was stunned but wasn't unconscious. Nor did it seem that she has been used to wipe the dirt of the floor or that she has been hit by a frying pan. She was just sitting upright in her bed, staring hard at Fred's head, which gave it' s usual creepy smile. None of them seemed to have talked at all.

" I'll save you Muriel.", mumbled Courage, got to his feet and trembled and shivered as he opened the door. Muriel and Fred( only his head) were looking at each other as if hypnotised by each other's presence. Fred wore his usual smile, Muriel a rare frown. Courage tiptoed slowly towards Muriel.

"Muriel, Muriel", he squeaked. But she was transfixed by Fred's head. All of a sudden, she smiled.

" Aha, now I remember. You are Fred, aren't you? My... My... It's just that I am growing a little older so I don't remember many things these days."

" Not a problem Aunt Muriel. Now, could you please place my head back on my shoulder? It feels a little, ah, unappetizing ."

" Of course, Fred." Fred's head was put on his shoulders( though it was placed correctly only after two attempts each of which culminated in an awkwardly assembled Fred and a little squeal from Courage). However, when Fred had been properly assembled and welcomed and asked for tea, he finally sat down on a chair in the hall downstairs.

"Freaky", said Eustace under his breath while he was pretending to read the newspaper. Courage shivered as his teeth cluttered inaudibly. Fred was still looking right into his face, and still smiled. Muriel finally came in with tea.

" So, Fred, what brings you here to my cosy corner of the world?"

" Well, I have come here to tell my last wish."

" Why, you are dying?" blurted out Eustace.

Fred blinked." I died a few weeks ago." Eustace was speechless and motionless. Courage's eyes were ready to pop out of their holes and his mouth was open showing his two holey teeth.

" What a pity, Fred. I assure you-you were always good company", said Muriel lovingly.

" Thank you, Aunt Muriel. But now, I have come here to request you to fulfil my last wish."

This was one of the rare times when Eustace and Courage looked at each other for support, then realising the awkwardness of the situation looked away only to realise that they can't look at Fred or Muriel, and so looked back at each other.

" What is your last wish, Fred? I assure you we will fulfil it."

There was a pause. Eustace was aghast, Courage fearful.

"Find my trimmer." A pop and Fred vanished leaving behind his black shroud and a screaming Courage.


	4. Friday the 13th

" Find his trimmer, eh?! What are we, his servants?", blurted out Eustace.

"Eustace, it was his last wish.", said Muriel calmly."In fact, he came to meet us after he was dead because he wanted it wish fulfilled. Oh dear, it's such a pity."

" No need to pity that freak. Scared the hell out of us.", spat Eustace. Courage nodded in agreement.

" Enough of it.", Muriel said fiercely."We are going to search for the trimmer, and that's the end of the matter." And she stomped out of the room into the garden before Eustace could make any sense out of his disjointed stutters. Finally, he dropped himself into the chair and kept muttering out of which words like "freak" and "trimmer" could be heard by someone who had ears as good as those of elephants. Courage, wanting to avoid both of them, went to their bedroom.

Braving through the shocks that had come his way since the previous night, Courage managed to summarise that since the last evening they had been visited by the ghost of a "freaky" Fred, who happened to be a freaky barber( who did freaky things with others, as had been told to him by Eustace a long time ago) and also Muriel's nephew, whose reason of death is hitherto unknown, in order to tell them his last wish, which was, in Fred's own words, to find his own trimmer. Something was definitely out of place, and Courage didn't like that.

However, much to Courage's liking, nobody mentioned Fred or his trimmer during the next few days. Everything just went back to normal. Muriel would do her daily chores and watch her favourite shows on the TV. Eustace would mostly leave home to buy the daily ration or any other object Muriel would ask him to, read the newspaper, bully Courage and scare him with his mask and of course, mutter and grit his teeth. However, nowhere in his muttering would a word like "freak" come up. The TV was up to his usual trick of praising Courage in the middle of the shows so that Eustace could get angry on him and bully him. As for Courage, he would do whatever little Muriel would ask him to and scream and jump. Everyone was having a good time, at least better than what it would have been had they been searching for a vague trimmer on this vast globe. But good times are often quite short lived; at least they seem that way. Although nobody had expected their good times to be disrupted in such grand fashion as they were, on the particular evening of Friday the 13th.

Something had been particularly wrong that day. Early in the morning, Eustace had himself volunteered to buy fruits which, to say the least, was a miracle. Not only that, he hadn't bullied Courage even once since the morning. As if that was not enough, Muriel forgot to watch one of her favourite TV shows, which was a bigger miracle. Finally to top things off, the Television had forgotten its role in making Courage's life miserable. On the whole, Courage was having the finest day of his life. However, he should have known, it was too good to last.

Muriel was watching an early evening show, when she asked Courage to bring her a glass of water from the kitchen. He went into the kitchen, and what he saw can be described by the Great Omnotror, as a blinking dishpan kicker analogy- banana with eyes made on it. It scared the shit out of Courage, but he did not scream( the greatest miracle of the day!). To be more accurate, he couldn't. He jumped and opened his mouth large and wide, and with all the force he could summon, he tried to scream but no voice came out. This scared him even more and he tried to scream louder than ever before but still no voice came out. This scared him even further and he tried to scream louder... and so the cycle continued till Muriel reached there to fetch the glass of water herself and saw Courage jumping waving one hand while keeping other on his throat. He tried to yelp and whine and stutter and scream but no voice came out.

" What happened Courage? You don't seem so fine", asked Muriel in a tone of deep concern.

But he couldn't tell. Even when he had his voice, it was tough for him to communicate to the Bagges because he hied and stammered so much through his speech that the only thing that could be heard were incomprehensible stutters. So now, when not even a shred of voice would come out of his throat, one couldn't expect him to be all too understandable. Just when it seemed to Muriel that he did not have a point, he converted himself into a pink banana of his size and then changed into a sore throat, before changing back to Courage. This usually explained everything he wanted to say. But usual things weren't really happening today(Friday the 13th). She did not understand him- completely.

Courage believed he had done a very bad job at imitating the sore throat( All he had shown was a large lump of mass, which he believed was his neck so swollen that it had become roughly spherical). He would have naturally understood if she did not understand it but she would definitely have understood the banana hint. His imitation of the banana had been very crisp and clear. However, Muriel did not understand the banana hint at all. On the contrary, she understood that he had a sore throat. The result being that all three of them- Eustace( who not surprisingly surprised everyone by coming without arguing), Muriel and Courage were standing in front of Dr. Vindaloo's clinic about half an hour later.

It took him ten minutes to welcome the Bagges in and check Courage's throat. Finally, he was talking in his Indian accent.

"Nothing to worry about, Courage has only lost his voice.(Gasps from Muriel and Widened eyes from Courage) He screams, whimpers, yelps, whines, and stutters so much these days that his throat hardly gets any rest. As a result, he is not able to make any noise because his muscles are far too tired."

" So, now what should we do, Doctor?", asked Muriel still very concerned.

" Well, nothing to worry about, he should only have some rest, for once. Also, take this inhaler.", he said handing over an L shaped plastic instrument. He continued," Just place the open end in mouth, and press the other end. It nourishes your throat so well, your voice will immediately be back."

Courage looked at it doubtfully for a moment. Then, he took it and placed the open end in his mouth. He pressed the other one and felt fresh air with suspended droplets of something that tasted like water gush through his throat. In about a couple of seconds, he could speak.

" I can speak again.", said Courage delightedly.

Muriel exclaimed ," Oh Courage!" and hugged him.

" Just use the inhaler, nothing to worry about.", said Dr. Vindaloo. "Nothing to worry about", Dr. Vindaloo repeated as his customers left the clinic.

Tired of the whole day's hard work, all three of them thought it had finally come to an end. But their problems were far from over. The moment they opened the door of their cottage, they saw the mess in which it was. The side table in the hall lay overturned and bananas, peeled and unpeeled were lying here and there on the floor. The places which weren't occupied by the bananas were occupied by grapes, melons, apples and mangoes that Eustace had bought in the morning. Other rooms were similarly affected. Apparently, someone had been here.

" What has happened here?", asked Eustace, irritated. But nobody knew. He gritted his teeth together and exclaimed "Urgh" with a note of anger in it.

"Quiet, Eustace.", Muriel said firmly. She, then politely, added," We must keep these things at their respective places." and started picking up the apples. Although nobody checked whether the intruders were still in the house or not, there seemed to be no living being other than the Bagges and Courage in the house. Eustace had been in a bad mood ever since. He got dinner very late and by the time the bed was prepared, it was well past midnight. Finally, when everyone was in bed, Eustace decided to have a go at Muriel.

" You don't know how to take care of a house, do you?" he blurted.

"What do you mean by that?", asked Muriel sharply.

"How did someone get into the house? Don't you know how to la-lock the door?"

" I locked the door very well, Eustace and you know that."

"Then, how were all those fruits on the floor, eh?"

"I don't know how they happened to be on the floor. I am just as surprised as you are."

"You never really knew how to take care of the house, did you?"

" What do you mean by that?", asked Muriel threateningly.

" You allow that Fred to come into the house. That freeaak."

"Don't you have a go on my nephew, Eustace."

"Why, eh? Why shouldn't I have a go on your nephew? I'll have a go on anyone I wish to have a go on. He is a freak and I-I-I am not going to find his freaky trimmer."

There was silence for a moment. Then, a rolling pin came flying down and hit Eustace on his head.

"Oww", exclaimed Eustace." What did I do?", he asked irritated.

" We will find Fred's trimmer and to find it, we will leave tomorrow.", said Muriel with a note of finality.

Eustace couldn't find anything to say. Finally, mustering some courage and trying to show that he was still not abashed, he spat," Are you mad?"

At exactly that moment, a song rang through the air in a male voice that was not sweet or heavy but shrill and loud. In fact, music was so loud that all three of them- Eustace, Muriel and Courage- covered their ears immediately.

 _" Let's go Bananas, Bananas, Bananas,_

 _Let's go Bananas, Bananas, Bananas."_

Unknown to the residents of the house, the bananas in the kitchen had organised a concert.


End file.
